Amusing dialouge from the IT Crowd

My favourite bits of dialouge from the IT Crowd:

Jen:   Hang on, guys.
[Typing on computer]
Jen:   How can I help?
Roy:   Well, we were just wondering now that you’re ‘the boss’, would you like us to access the data supply and connect you up to the matrix?
Jen:  [pause] You just made all that up.
Roy:  [shouting] You don’t know anything about computers! Admit it!
Jen:   Would you stop trying to undermine me? Now get in there and do some work to do with computers! I’ll be in there in a minute to check up on you!
[Moss goes under her desk]
Roy:   OK, lady! You’ve won this round! But we can wait. You will slip up one day. And believe you me, we will be there when you do. There will be some piece of evidence that will prove without any shadow of a doubt that you don’t know anything about computers!
Jen:  [to Moss] What are you doing?
Moss:   Plugging in your computer.
Roy:  [Not realising Moss has found Jen’s computer unplugged] It might be something you say, or something you do, but when we notice it – and believe me, we will notice it – it’s gonna be a long way down for you, sweetcheeks!
[Leaves Jen’s office]
Moss:   He’ll realise in a second.
Roy:  [Runs back into Jen’s office and screams with delight] . Aaahhh!

Roy:   OK, so here’s the plan.
Moss:   A plan. Let me put on my slightly larger glasses.
[puts on slightly larger glasses]
Moss:   OK, hit me.
Roy:   OK, we go in.
Moss:   When?
Roy:   You know, like, in a minute.
Moss:   Will that be enough time for me to get to know the plan?
Roy:   Yeah, you know what? I shouldn’t have used the word “plan”. I’ve clearly gotten you overexcited.
Moss:   Would scheme be a better word? Although that’s just as exciting. I might even need these
[puts on even larger glasses]

Roy:   What is that?
Jen:   Goat’s cheese salad.
Roy:   Ugh! Ohhh!
Jen:   You don’t like goat’s cheese?
Roy:   I don’t like goat’s anything. I don’t like goats being involved in any stage of the food production process.

Jen: [Moss has a small plastic box with a flashing light] What is it?
Moss:   This, Jen, is the Internet.
Jen:   What?
Moss:   That’s right.
Jen:   This is the Internet? The whole Internet?
Moss:   Yep. I asked for a loan of it so that you could use it in your speech.
Jen:   It’s so small.
Moss:   That’s one of the surprising things about it.
Jen:   Hang on, it doesn’t have any wires or anything.
Moss:   It’s wireless.
Jen:   Oh, yes, everything’s wireless nowadays, isn’t it… yeah. So, I can really use it in my speech? What if someone needs it?
Moss:   Oh, no, no, people will still be able to go online and everything. It will still work.
Jen:   Oh, good, good…
Moss:   I tell you, you present this to the shareholders and you will get quite the response.
Jen:   Can I touch it? It’s so light!
Moss:   Of course it is, Jen. The Internet doesn’t weigh anything.
Jen:   No, of course it doesn’t.
[laughs nervously]
Roy:   Hey! What is Jen doing with the Internet?
Jen:   Moss said I could use it for my speech.
Roy:   Are you insane? What if she drops it?
Jen:   I won’t drop it, I’ll look after it.
Roy:   No. No, no, no, no, Jen. No, this needs to go straight back to Big Ben.
Jen:   Big Ben?
Moss:   Yep. It goes on top of Big Ben. That’s where you get the best reception.

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